We don't "do" suprises- a frank and honest analysis

I think most people who know us know that we are having another baby. Also, if you know us very well, you were probably surprised to hear that we were expecting again. So were we. Now I've always been a bit on the side of, "how surprised can you really be, I mean we know how babies are made and if you're not careful then is it really a surprise?". I always knew it would serve me right to eat my words, and now I am. However, in my defense (without TMI I hope), we can honestly say this is not a case of "I guess we weren't careful enough" and more of a case of "we now fall in the statistics of the 10-20% failure rate". That being said, this has been a HUGE adjustment on many levels for us. When I was pregnant with Ben, I really wanted a girl. Although I was disappointed, he has been the sweetest thing ever and I can't imagine it any other way. He and Luke have so much fun together, and it will be wonderful to watch their relationship grow over the years. We were always on the fence about whether to have 2 or 3 kids; Aaron was more on the 2-side and I was more on the 3-side. However, when we made the decision to send Luke to a private school that made the decision for us. We ran numbers over and over and decided that while we could afford private tuition for 2 kids with me working only part time, there was no way we could manage more than that unless I worked full time and that was not a sacrifice we were willing to make. So decision made. 2 kids, 2 boys, Luke and Ben, we're done. I mourned the idea at first, but in the end we knew it was the best decision for our family and I was at peace with that. I had come to terms with my 2 boys, who I love dearly and are so much fun. This was our family and that was OK, we were all happy with that.

Well, apparently we were WRONG. This is a case where we just throw it to the heavens and say, "God, clearly our plans and yours didn't match this time so we're going to have to trust in you because we know we certainly can not manage this all by ourselves." To say we were in shock when we found out about our surprise is probably an understatement. I was in denial for a good 2 months, and honestly I still find myself shaking my head in disbelief as I think of the sleepless nights and dirty diapers to come. My pregnancies with the boys were very easy overall. I had heartburn (severely), but that's it. A little bit of trouble sleeping with Ben, but it was manageable with a bed full of pillows to support me. I never felt sick, just really hungry. I was really sad to think that I wouldn't be pregnant again, because I really enjoyed it. This time has been different. I felt AWFUL for the first 2-3 weeks, and just OK for the 2 months that followed. I would wake up in the morning and literally dread the idea of getting out of bed because I knew as soon as I got up I would feel terrible, and feel that way pretty much all day. More nights than not, I would end up on the bed after dinner because if I sat up or moved I knew I would throw up. I never did, but there were many close calls. After about 2 weeks of this, we had a ladies retreat at chuch. There were prayer stations set up, and signs directing your thoughts to pray for certain things. At one of these stations I just prayed for the sickness to go away. I couldn't handle 2 more months of this. I had 2 VERY energetic boys at home, a husband who was working very hard for us, and a house that was falling apart because I couldn't do anything to keep it up. Fortunately, God answered that prayer. Within the next week I started feeling better and I didn't have any more episodes that sent me to bed. I still didn't feel the greatest, but I could function in the day and at night-time, when I felt my worse, my worst now was what my best had been in the weeks prior. I still had some strange food aversions- no lunch meat, no cereal, but other aversions were improving- I could eat sweets again (and not just the good stuff that's bad for you, but I could actually eat healthy stuff like fruit again, and I could stomach vegetables better) and I was having fewer cravings for junk/fast food. Now that the first trimester is over, I feel back to myself again. I'm eating normal again (or at least normal for pregnant me) and I feel good again. Already needing extra pillows to sleep comfortably and having some very mild heartburn, but that's all.

All this time though, we're still adjusting to the idea of an expanding family. We've had extensive conversations over how we're going to re-arrange the house, how we're going to pay for everything. And "everything" is a lot. We're committed to remaining debt-free and believe strongly this is what God wants for our family and our finances. But boy has it been difficult. Aaron's insurance changed in June, and our deductibles literally tripled (actually tripled and a half). Fortunately we were able to make some changes with my insurance and I don't think we'll end up maxing our deductible, but we're paying more than double what we initially planned on paying and had set aside to cover "baby costs". And then there's the car. We've been saving for a car for a couple of years now, but our plan was to have one more year to save for our family vehicle. Now we have 6 months to save what we had planned to save in 18 months. And then there's just the costs that come with having another: Ben was sleeping in his toddler bed, which is the crib converted so the boys need new beds so the baby can have the crib; there's the typical baby equipment that we got rid of due to wear and tear from the first two that we need to replace; and to top it off- it's a girl!- so that means some clothing (although I have friends and sisters-in-law with daughters who promise to help in this arena), blankets, crib bedding, washclothes/towels, and all the other stuff that comes with having a baby of a different gender. That also means re-arranging the house to make our "extra room" be the nursery now.

So we've got most of that figured out now, for the most part, more or less. But back to the "it's a girl!". I had come to terms with only having boys. We didn't plan on having this one, so I'm still getting used to the idea of a baby at all and I honestly could care less what the sex was. Truly. Most people just look at me and say, "Aren't you so excited?!?" and I don't think they believe me or really get it when I just say, "Yeah" or "I really didn't care this time". But I didn't. On one hand, I can see a revival of the dreams I had given up on- mommy/daughter mani-pedis, teaching how to wear make-up and having make-up parties for her friends, shopping for prom dresses and wedding dresses. But on the other hand I think of how EASY another boy would have been. We have all the clothes and toys and any boy could want, much less need. And when it comes to the "tough topics" of growing up and adolescence, I could put most of it off onto Aaron because he's the man, he can handle those topics with the boys. Now I have a whole new set of parenting talks to have, and it will all be on me because I'm the mom and the female perspective. More pressure for me; yeah, that's what a mom needs is more pressure! And Aaron is really adjusting to the idea of adding a girl to the mix. He's never hidden the fact that he's wanted boys and would be happy having only boys. He has lots of reasons for not wanting a daughter, and they pretty much all revolve around the idea of a teenage daughter and dating (closely followed by the reasoning of the high cost of paying for a wedding). All of his reasons are valid. However, I suspect that a root cause of his feelings are actually more out of fear. He never had a sister, and he never had any girl cousins that he spent great deals of time around. I've never heard him talk of any close family friends that had daughters that he grew up around either. I think he's scared because he doesn't think he'll know what to do with a girl. I guess he'll find out, because that's where we're headed.

So where are we now? The biggest hurdle right now is naming this little girl. We can't agree on a name. Fortunately we have about 4 more months to think on it. The house is in the process of being arranged, so we'll still have to get the nursery done but the bulk of the moving is done now. We're getting used to the idea, and we know when all is said and done we wouldn't be able to imagine it any other way. We have 5 years to figure out how to pay for school (much less college) for this one, and right now we're hoping and praying some financial aid will come our way when we get there to make it happen. I'm starting to look at baby bedding, and we're talking about paint colors (actually not for the nursery, but some other rooms in the house), and Aaron researches family vehicles online. So even though we don't "do" surprises, we're figuring it out and dealing with it as it comes. Who knows what the next 4 months has in store for us, because the last 4 months have been a roller coaster. But when all is said and done, I know it will be a ride that we were all very happy we went on.

Sea World and more

Can you believe it? Less than a week and I'm already doing another post?!? I'm going to do better now that I'm finally caught up, I swear. So, we have had a very fun, and busy past week or so. This first picture was actually taken 2 weeks ago. We decided last minute to go to a Rangers game one Friday night. We had a good time. We brought our own hot dogs and snacks and enjoyed the game, followed by some great fireworks! And to top it all off, the Rangers won! They also had a couple of home runs which was fun to see.

The rest of the pictures are from the past 5 days. We went to Sea World in San Antonio on Thursday and Friday of this week and had an absolute blast. The boys did SO GOOD, I can't brag on them enough. They got to bed extremely late every night and were troopers in the park. In fact, day one we were only 30 minutes shy of doing open to closing in the park! We had no intention of staying that long, but the boys were doing so well we just kept going. It was about as perfect a day you could ask for. Although it was extremely hot, there were no lines or waiting for anything, so we were able to do everything we wanted (some things more than once) that first day. Aaron even walked directly on a couple of the rides that the boys and I couldn't do. We did the water park on the second day, but I didn't get any pictures there. We were pretty wiped out by the time we left, but again we had no more than a 10 minute wait for any of the slides and we easily did everything we wanted to do that day.

Luke was happy to get his picture taken with Shamu. Ben liked the idea of seeing Shamu, but once it was time for a picture he chickened out.

Luke's first roller coaster! You can see me with the glasses on, Luke is hidden on the other side. He rode several rides, but this was his favorite. He rode it at least 4 times, maybe even 5.

The first place we went was to the Sea Lions. There was this tiny baby that I think someone said was only a week old. We were able to witness one of the sweetest scenes I've ever seen in person. The baby was all by itself on the rock, stumbling around a little like it didn't know where to go. It was crying this sad little cry, and this went on for several minutes. All of the sudden you heard an adult sea lion bark. Baby cried, mama barked back, baby cried, mama barked, cry, bark. Then you saw mama sea lion come running (the best way a sea lion can run) across the rocks and jump over to comfort baby. This picture is when mama first got to baby. She immediately laid down and baby began to nurse. It was just the neatest scene to watch how some things are the same across all types of mammals. This baby cried, and mama recognized the cry and came running as fast as she could get there to take care of baby.

Shamu show!
This is one of only a couple of rides Ben could do.

Dolphin in mid-air during dolphin/beluga whale show.

At the dolphin tank.
We paid to feed the dolphins, and Luke and I were able to very briefly touch one as we gave it fish.

A great memory- as Luke and Aaron were on a ride, there was a sudden flash storm where it downpoured for about 10 minutes. Aaron and Luke were actually on the ride when it hit, so they had no protection. Ben and I got under a shade tent, but it was not totally water proof, so we still got pretty wet. As you can see, the boys were TOTALLY drenched, and this is completely from the rainstorm that hit. We were all soaked to the bone, but it was so hot we were actually quite refreshed and really didn't mind how wet we were. The boys took a few minutes to splash in the puddles as the rain began to taper off.

All tuckered out at the end of the day. We had barely left the parking lot and Ben was crashed in his seat, holding Shamu of course!

Luke didn't crash until we got back to the hotel, so he's showing off his purchases from the day- a dolphin he named Dolphiny and a scuba diver man with all scuba accessories (accessories not pictured here because I didn't want to lose them in the car).

We got home LATE Friday night, and then Saturday was the big open house for our new church building. We went up to that and they had someone doing face painting for the kids. She was about as talented as I've seen in face painting, and the boys picked out their designs. Luke wanted to be a cheetah, and Ben was Spiderman. She said that under 3 can be real iffy for face painting because it's hard for some to sit still long enough (although she was VERY fast, less than 5 minutes per face). Ben sat there perfectly still and didn't move a muscle, he was so determined to be spiderman. Unfortunately, they had to wash their faces off as soon as we got home- Ben needed a nap, and Luke had a swim birthday party to go to. I made sure to get a picture first so they could look at themselves as a cheetah or spiderman whenever they wanted.

Yes, FINALLY an update (of the past 8 months)

Well because I'm so far behind, I've tried to just hit the major highlights- you know birthdays, holidays, etc. That being said there are still a ton of pictures! I started at Halloween and went down through Luke's pre-k graduation. Now that I'm finally up to date on things, I plan on doing some more general postings about life in the Tungate house. I just got so behind on pictures when the computer crashed in the fall, and then when I did get everything up to date on the computer I hit a period where I didn't feel very good for about 2 months (more on that in a later post). Then once I felt better, I had major catch-up around the house and I'm just now getting to the blog update. Whew, so here we go....

Halloween: Ben was Buzz Lightyear and Luke was Darth Vader.

Ben turned 2 in November, he was in a period where he was OBSESSED with trains, so the birthday theme was obvious. He loved his "choo-choo party" and still talks about it.


Pop and Gran gave him a train table that the boys love to play with. We had the rest of friends and family give him trains and other accessories to go with his table.
We also started potty training and he got train underwear for his birthday.

Thanksgiving was at Pop and Gran's house.

Luke was ringbearer in a wedding Thanksgiving weekend, and he was just so darn cute in his tuxedo! He LOVED wearing it, he was so proud of how handsome he looked in the tux, and he especially loved his shiny black shoes.


Dancing with the flower girl at the reception.
Luke with the bride and groom.
Christmas!


We took the boys down to the Gaylord Texan resort in Grapevine one night, they had a huge Christmas display. This is one of the many exhibits out, which was a lifesize, real gingerbread house.

The boys pre-school Christmas program. Ben saw me as they walked in and cried most of the time he was on stage because he wanted to sit with me. Yes, that is his finger up his nose. That's pretty much how he stood throughout the entire singing of Jingle Bells!


We had a very snowy winter, including some snow Christmas day! Here are various pictures from some of the snow days we had. I really enjoyed the winter weather this year. Luke absolutely loved the snow and would have stayed out all day if we let him. Ben liked the idea, but after about 5 or 10 minutes would say, "I cold, go in house."







Luke turned 5 in March. He had saved his money for over 6 months to help pay half for a Nintendo DSi for his birthday (handheld gaming device, but also has a camera inside to take and edit pictures, and lots of other features). He was so excited to play it the first day.
Aaron literally fed him popcorn as he played.
He wanted a shark birthday cake, so here was my creation. He and the kids at the party loved it, so I was pleased. His party was at a local gymnasium and the kids ran and played and had a blast.



Easter!



Luke played baseball for the first time this year. He had a hard time focusing in the outfield, which is pretty much where he stayed all season, but he learned alot and had fun. He also got to play catcher some and really enjoyed dressing up in the gear that required.






Pre-K graduation. Although I think pre-K graduations are a bit silly, he did look awfully cute in his cap and gown. They sang a song with sign language, and answered some questions on the microphone. Luke's answers were: Favorite thing to do at school- play with legos; What do you want to be when you grow up- policeman.



Luke and the boys in his class (all but one boy). He made some good buddies this year.
That's all for now!